


Betting Pool

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Series: Utter Nonsense [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, Random & Short, i think this attempt was much better than the last!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-05 21:09:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12802434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: “Look,” Clint says, “just about everyone in this school as asked Stark out, he isn’t going to agree to you two. He didn’t even want one person and you come with each other,” he points out, gesturing between Peter and Bucky.They share a look and Peter shrugs, “you guys just don’t have any game,” he says and Bucky snorts.





	Betting Pool

**Author's Note:**

> This is... weird. Where do they go to high school? Presumably somewhere near MIT. I don't know. I didn't consider logistics until I was writing it and was like you know what, the readers have watched shit with these people when they had superpowers- they can suspend their disbelief for this too. Also Tony has glasses. Why? Because he'd look cute af in them that's why.
> 
> Either way this came out much better I think than the first attempt at this pairing so there's that! I am definitely going to write more with this pairing :)

“Look,” Clint says, “just about everyone in this school as asked Stark out, he isn’t going to agree to you two. He didn’t even want one person and you come with each other,” he points out, gesturing between Peter and Bucky.

They share a look and Peter shrugs, “you guys just don’t have any game,” he says and Bucky snorts. It wasn’t _wrong_ exactly- they’ve been watching Tony’s actions and they knew where they all went wrong. Or at least they were sure they knew where everyone went wrong.

Clint rolls his eyes at them, “okay you know what, if anyone had a chance it was Steve,” he says and Peter lets out a loud snort.

“Oh yeah, the devout Catholic _totally_ had a chance with a well known atheist. What was it he called Steve?” Peter asks, frowning.

“A ‘self-righteous, pompous, apple-pie asshole’. And in Steve’s defense someone who believes in a religion and someone who doesn’t can date just fine. You’re an atheist and I’m Jewish,” Bucky points out.

Peter looks surprised, “wait, _what_?”

He rolls his eyes, “did you somehow miss Lehnsherr inviting me to a synagogue for Yom Kippur?” The answer was yes, Bucky knew, because despite the obvious hints that he was Jewish Peter didn’t seem to get the memo. Erik found it annoying but Bucky found it amusing given how utterly unobservant a person would have to be to miss that. And he knew eventually Peter would clue in anyways- which was apparently now.

“Wow, okay, apparently I’m an idiot. Anyways just saying, Steve and Tony were not meant for each other. The first interaction they had was a fight,” he says. True, but Steve wasn’t used to people opposing his opinion and Tony did _plenty_ of that, and efficiently too. It had attracted Steve to him and clearly Tony didn’t feel the same way.

“Wasn’t the first interaction _we_ had a fight?” Bucky asks, distinctly remembering shoving Peter headfirst into a wall to grab the pancakes on that table only to have Peter jump on his back and tackle him for the pancakes that Phil ended up sniping anyways. They ended up combining their efforts to steal them back and failed miserably. Pancake Day at this school was _wild_.

“Oh man I remember that. Phil stole your pancakes and you two still haven’t forgiven him,” Clint says, shaking his head. Yeah, and they never would. Those pancakes were serious business and Phil went and stole them like a grade A asshole.

Peter sighs, “whatever- Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were never meant to be together because obviously we were meant to be a threesome, just saying. And then I can totally run it in Steve’s _face_ that we were successful and he _failed_ ,” Peter says with far too much glee in his voice.

“You’re not doing that, you’re going to be polite and forgive him for stealing your Lindt chocolate that one time,” Bucky tells him.

“I will never forgive that blonde asshat for stealing my chocolate,” he hisses. Bucky shakes his head and lets it go because Steve probably wouldn’t forgive Peter for that time he asked Steve was his political plan for ridding the school the grade nines was that time he ran for class president. The fact that he had to answer probably didn’t help but Peggy Carter had a weird sense of humor and clearly took joy in Steve’s irritated explanation that they couldn’t just get rid of an entire grade because they were annoying. Especially because people liked him less after that. Bucky, on the other hand, thought the entire thing was _hilarious_.

*

Tony sighs in annoyance as two people slide into seats next to him, adjusting his glasses as he waits for them to talk. He was going to tell Hope to meet him _outside_ the school if people didn’t stop asking him out. He might have taken a few up on it if he didn’t know about the bet on who would ‘win’ his affections like he was some kind of fucking trophy. But sadly he liked Hope, and even more sadly she desperately needed his help in math. Working with her was fucking painful but once she got it she was freakishly adept with the problems. It was getting her to understand the math that was the problem.

So he met her after she was done school minus Wednesdays because his classes at MIT ran late and he didn’t feel like driving. It did mean he had to put up with a weird amount of attention from the students at Hope’s school though, which was annoying at best. “So,” the guy on his left says to catch Tony’s attention. He was cute, Tony would give him that, with his slightly curled light brown hair and easy smile, but that didn’t make up for his irritating presence. “Wanna be in a threesome?” he asks and Tony _barely_ keeps his eyebrows from shooting into his hairline.

He looks at the guy on his other side- also cute with his long dark brown hair pulled into a messy bun- and he smiles. Tony almost tells them both to fuck right off but then he sees an opportunity to get everyone to cut this shit out, so he nods. “Sure,” he says and both of this companion’s eyeballs all but bug out of their heads.

“Wait, that seriously worked?” the guy with the light brown hair asks.

Tony shrugs, “sure, why not?” he says. The guy with the dark brown hair lets out a wheeze of surprise and presses his hand to his heart.

He lets them sit in it for a few moments before he sits back a little in his seat, “so out of curiosity how much money did you guys just win?” he asks.

This gets a confused reaction out of both of the guys sitting next to him and if it wasn’t a reaction that was perfectly in sync without them sharing a look Tony would have thought they planned it. “Uh, I don’t think threesomes result in money…” Light Brown Hair says.

Dark Brown Hair laughs, “could you imagine the headlines? ‘Threesomes Solve Poverty- 10 Ways To Get Your Dick Wet’. In all seriousness though what money? ‘Cuz I kind of want to know about it now,” he says.

Tony frowns, “the bet, the one on who would get with me first?” he says in an effort to jog their memories.

They both still looked confused though. “You know what, I’m calling Clint,” Dark Hair says and pulls out his phone, putting it on speaker for everyone’s benefit Tony guesses.

“Why are you calling someone with a hearing impairment?” is the answer they get and Tony snorts, covering his mouth to hide his laughter.

“Because apparently there’s some bet on who can get with Tony first and Peter and I didn’t know about it until he tried to pull a pretty slick move to call us on it so what the hell man? You let us go in here knowing this would happen without at least telling us that _maybe_ we should clarify that the offer wasn’t based on some dumb bet some other idiot made?” Dark Hair says, glaring at his phone like it was this Clint guy.

“I didn’t hear any of that because I’m fucking deaf,” Clint says

“Do you not have your hearing aids in?” Dark Hair asks.

“Yes,” a new voice answers, “but they don’t make phone calls easy to hear. But yes, we let you go in there knowing you’d fail because we all made a bet on the bet that was already made. Which one of you got slapped? Please tell me it was Peter,” New Voice says.

Light Hair, presumably Peter, leans forward in offense. “Fuck you Phil, I didn’t get slapped. Who the hell made the bet?” he asks.

“Probably Natasha, you know how she is with these things. Everyone is stupid enough to think Stark would say yes to them anyways- Nat would be smart enough to know she’d make money off these people’s idiocy. So Bucky got slapped?” he asks.

“I didn’t get slapped either!” Dark Hair, obviously Bucky then, says in his own defense.

“I considered slapping them both,” Tony throws out there.

“Shit,” Phil says, “he’s _there_? Why are you having this conversation with him right there?” he asks.

Tony rolls his eyes at this reaction and, to their credit, so do Bucky and Peter. “Because someone made a bet about sex with him and it’s fucking weird and also a little gross,” Bucky says.

“And,” Peter adds in, “obviously no one in this hell school has ever seen literally any movie _ever_ where a bet takes place. It never ends well,” he says.

“10 Things I Hate About You,” Tony counters immediately, embarrassed that he was able to even respond that fast. He’d never admit out loud that it was one of his favorite movies- to everyone else he liked Die Hard and literally anything with Sylvester Stallone in it. Rhodey told him that his choice in movies was shit all around but Rhodey liked Disney movies so he should pipe down.

“That had all kinds of hijinks, it doesn’t count,” Peter says just as fast as Tony responded. “Next time someone makes a stupid bet tell us before we do something stupid,” he says and he ends the call on Bucky’s phone. He turns to Tony, “in our defense we didn’t know about that.”

He actually believed that given that even that even the person on the other end of the phone call implied that they didn’t know about it. “Sure. Do you always just… jump in with a threesome though?” he asks.

“Kinda hard not to when you come as a package deal,” Bucky says, shrugging.

Tony’s eyebrows rise, “ _oh_. Well then, that makes things significantly more interesting.”

*

Hope comes out of the school hoping, no pun intended, to distract Tony with literally anything but math. It’s hard though because he’s a freak and he actually _likes_ math so keeping him off the subject was a surprisingly difficult task. Thankfully she comes out to find him talking animatedly with Peter Quill and Bucky Barnes, both of whom look utterly enamored. All part of the Stark charm, she knows. He could charm anyone if he actually worked at it, or he could become their worst enemy in four seconds flat. Depended on his mood.

“So guys,” she says as she walks up, “what are you talking about?”

“We’re planning a threesome,” Bucky says in a dead serious voice, clearly not considering his words until she reacts.

“Goodbye,” she says, spinning on her heel and walking away because this was the kind of situation only Tony fucking Stark could get himself into.

*

Tony wakes up to the sound of his door opening and he groans as he sits up. Beside him Bucky makes an irritated noise and mumbles something under his breath, wrapping an arm around his waist to try and pull him back down.

“Um,” someone says and Tony squints, not quite able to see who was standing in his doorway. He hoped it wasn’t the poor maid again…

“Hey,” he says, poking Peter, “get my glasses.” He hated the damn things but he couldn’t put contacts in to save his life. His eyes refused to stay open as his finger came towards his eye so he got stuck with his glasses. He didn’t care for the black horn-rimmed glasses but they looked better than the other options he had so he got stuck with them. Peter feels around on his nightstand and hands them over when he finds them. Tony jams them onto his face and blinks a couple times to adjust, looking back out to whoever was at the door.

His eyes go as wide as his mothers when he realizes it was her standing there. “Mom,” he squeaks out, “hey.”

She looks horrified at her discovery and takes a step back, “make good choices,” she says and she shuts the door quick, leaving him there.

“Was that,” Bucky mumbles into the pillow, “seriously your mother?”

“Yup,” Tony says, probably twice as horrified as his mother had been.

“Never have I wished for the sweet, sweet embrace of the grave more,” Bucky says, face still planted in the pillow.

“Fuck, usually your depression humor is concerning but I couldn’t agree more,” Peter says.

Tony lays back down, staring at the ceiling in horror. “Do you think threesomes are allowed I hell?” he asks.

Bucky sighs, “I’m going to Jewish hell, which hell do non-believers end up in?” he asks.

Tony wrinkles his nose, “I’m so mad that we won’t even get the same hell. I feel like we’ve at least earned that.” He didn’t even believe in hell, but for this he would.

They all sit there in silence for a long few moments, “so,” Peter says, “anyone doing anything later? We should go on a date before we end up in Jewish hell or wherever the fuck else.”

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
